As you can tell, sticking to blog themes is something they do NOT teach in college, And if that your major, perhaps you can make a killing by STAYING AWAY FROM ME.
I'm starting to sound a little hostile. I do not recommend this tone when making an online dating profile. Do not worry my disillusioned friends. I didn't suddenly forget that life is an even bigger suck fest than an international Hoover convention. I caved in to the deepening loneliness following a particularly messy break up and the departure of my friends from school while I remained in my sorority house - a place that, when nearly empty, makes a mausoleum a practically perky alternative.
Finding a suitable (yet free) dating website was a rather humiliating experience. I will confess to being one of those many hypocrites that made fun of online meetings (all the while secretly jealous of my inferior's apparent happiness). I found myself completing the personality tests and autobiography boxes in the dead of night, as if I was planning a bank heist or hacking into a government mainframe. I deleted the history off my own computer and would peek over my shoulder guiltily, like someone might discover me watching violent horse porn.
My first and brief stop was plentyoffish, which is an admirable site - that is, if you are a single mom or a man who is proficient in the many angles in which he can photograph his own abdomen. For those who still have self respect, I'll give you a little insight into this world.
POF (as insiders call it) asks you to complete both a personality and relationship test, the results of which can be viewed on your profile. You also get a chance to express yourself. One box is a kind of "about me" section while in the other you can wow your viewers by describing your perfect first date. Most tend to use the self-description as an opportunity to announce the lengthy list of things they dislike in the opposite sex. There were some clever quips for the first date query, ranging anywhere from "maybe a movie" to "anything but a movie."
As you can imagine, there was a veritable smorgasbord of opportunities. Some of the messages I got were priceless, but unfortunately they heavily overlapped with my rather long "possible serial rapist" list.
You may have gotten the gist at this point, but I am officially ending my denouncement of Reformed and unformed Christianity, at least in the blog capacity. Do not fear dear readers, I will still shout my beliefs at strangers walking into the Gap. Sadly, I am no longer surrounded by such a wealth of material as I once was, whereas I am very much involved in a (world wide) web of dating shenanigans.
Stay tuned for the initial interactions, as well as *SPOILER ALERT* my first online date. Yeah, try not to wet yourself and die in ecstasy.
