Online dates

As you can tell, sticking to blog themes is something they do NOT teach in college, And if that your major, perhaps you can make a killing by STAYING AWAY FROM ME.

I'm starting to sound a little hostile. I do not recommend this tone when making an online dating profile. Do not worry my disillusioned friends. I didn't suddenly forget that life is an even bigger suck fest than an international Hoover convention. I caved in to the deepening loneliness following a particularly messy break up and the departure of my friends from school while I remained in my sorority house - a place that, when nearly empty, makes a mausoleum a practically perky alternative.

Finding a suitable (yet free) dating website was a rather humiliating experience. I will confess to being one of those many hypocrites that made fun of online meetings (all the while secretly jealous of my inferior's apparent happiness). I found myself completing the personality tests and autobiography boxes in the dead of night, as if I was planning a bank heist or hacking into a government mainframe. I deleted the history off my own computer and would peek over my shoulder guiltily, like someone might discover me watching violent horse porn.

My first and brief stop was plentyoffish, which is an admirable site - that is, if you are a single mom or a man who is proficient in the many angles in which he can photograph his own abdomen. For those who still have self respect, I'll give you a little insight into this world.

POF (as insiders call it) asks you to complete both a personality and relationship test, the results of which can be viewed on your profile. You also get a chance to express yourself. One box is a kind of "about me" section while in the other you can wow your viewers by describing your perfect first date. Most tend to use the self-description as an opportunity to announce the lengthy list of things they dislike in the opposite sex. There were some clever quips for the first date query, ranging anywhere from "maybe a movie" to "anything but a movie."

As you can imagine, there was a veritable smorgasbord of opportunities. Some of the messages I got were priceless, but unfortunately they heavily overlapped with my rather long "possible serial rapist" list.

You may have gotten the gist at this point, but I am officially ending my denouncement of Reformed and unformed Christianity, at least in the blog capacity. Do not fear dear readers, I will still shout my beliefs at strangers walking into the Gap. Sadly, I am no longer surrounded by such a wealth of material as I once was, whereas I am very much involved in a (world wide) web of dating shenanigans.

Stay tuned for the initial interactions, as well as *SPOILER ALERT* my first online date. Yeah, try not to wet yourself and die in ecstasy.

Update-a-saurus

I called this update-a-saurus not because it's like an old dinosaur with a hat, but because it reminded me of my roommate this past year who did not know what a thesaurus was. But you and I should bear in mind that this was also the girl who was studying for her psychology final and looked up the definition of Freud's "I.D."

This blog was supposed to be about my adventure into the heart of a Reformed Presbyterian-Baptist church that I decided to attend on a whim. To provide some background, I do not go to church. I am not even remotely curious about the possibility of an all-knowing God, but I was curious about what being entrenched in a fundamentalist culture was really like. I felt like I was a martyr, going deep inside enemy lines, reporting the news as it came out. And I went deep. Balls-deep. And for the anatomy-concerned readers, if I had balls, believe me, that would be quite deep.

Things did not go the way I expected. I was not found out; neither was I converted. However, where I used to have sympathy for the Christian-lite crowd, I now figuratively (and by that I mean quickly) back away from them in the same manner as the more distant end of the spectrum.

Yeah, I know there are many atheist blogs. I enjoy them, but I also haven't found many that have really done any true investigative reporting. I learned more about the Bible and Reformed doctrine than most people know about ... the Bible and Reformed doctrine. Let me tell you, dear reader, that is not a pretty book. Unfortunately, many pseudo-believers try to put down "hard-core" Christians and say that they "deliberately misinterpret" Jesus and that the Bible is a beautifully written masterpiece and humans have merely fucked it up.

No no no no no NOT EVEN CLOSE. If you are guilty of saying anything along those lines, I politely beg you to please shut your gaping pie hole. When one explores the Bible in depth, one notes with some horror that this book is eerily similar to the morals in fairy tales, the ones that usually ended with naughty children drowning in each other's tears or choking on their own stool. The obvious thrill these authors have with death and mutilation combined with horrific superstition dates this book irrevocably. How relevant is this book when the characters could not even explain rainfall? If a man and woman divorce, the woman cannot marry again, because that is defined as adultery. But the way they put that: poetry.

I am tired so I must leave with vague generalities about my feelings, but next time I promise there will be some fun in the sun with our pastor: Tim Bayly.

http://www.baylyblog.com/

This will be a nice preview for you.

This blog is about either Christians or hyphens. YOU decide.

I feel like blogging will get me nowhere, but there is NOTHING like being mainstream. And I'm not sure where else I can post my brilliant findings, even if no one but stoned hippies will read it. Butt thatz muh mane oddience. GO DEM O'GRAFYX!!

This past school stretch (aka butt-end of August 08 - sparsely-fondled May 09) I have sojourned at the hotspot-all-stops-put-out Indiana University, in Bloomington, IN. This may suggest to you that I have the classic, sculpted Midwestern girl look. No, dear reader(s) <---(hahahaha ohhh how I love joking parentheses), I hail from Denver, CO.

That last fact was true. My parents are paying for me to live in a place that has gained a reputation for having people pay to leave. Not to worry, dear reader, I am in fact transferring (presumably, I have been neither accepted or denied from my two schools) for Fall '09.

I am starting a blog not only because I have wisdom to impart - implant in your heart - but because I did something that not many have the stomach to do. This includes cows, so you can imagine just how much of a stomach this entails. Entrails. But dear one, I will have to tell you next time, because right now I'm just trying to push a little blog out, just a little fart in the cosmic wind of blogspot.